


but you're human tonight

by twilightstargazer



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, now that they're in the same room together for the forseeable future I want them to talk, post 3x11, so many callbacks to previous episodes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 11:53:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6609739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilightstargazer/pseuds/twilightstargazer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'ALIE is wrong, you hear me? You don’t take orders from me, you said so yourself. We come up with the orders. Together.’</p><p>That word is weighted heavily between them. Together. He told her right before they committed genocide in the mountain. They’ve been in this from the start, from those early days at the Dropship when it was just the two of them and ninety nine kids in between, they’ve done things together.</p><p>He squeezes her hand. 'Together,' he murmurs, voice gruff with emotion.</p><p>or, Clarke and Bellamy talk about things between them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	but you're human tonight

**Author's Note:**

> I'm supposed to be STUDYING for my A Levels, not taking two and a half hours out of my day to write fanfic. Someone please help me get my priorities in order.

They drive until the sun begins to peek over the horizon, just the barest sliver of gold to cut through the night. Raven is stretched out on the floor, arm held in place with a make shift sling, a coat settled over her like a blanket and someone’s jacket under her head as a pillow as she sleeps.

There’s no sound besides her soft snores and the hum of the engine as they drive. Clarke sits next to him, hands clenched tightly in her lap and muscles tense. Opposite her is Octavia, determinedly not looking their way, jaw clenched shut and eyes blazing since Clarke told her about Luna and the sea clan. Jasper is still playing with the handcuffs and Sinclair is next to him, head tilted back and eyes closed but with a hand on Raven’s shoulder. Monty is alone behind the wheel, holding it in a death grip.

None of them are fine and the silence is suffocating to say the least.

As the watery dawn light breaks through, Bellamy suggests that they stop for a break, to stretch their legs and to let out some of that god awful tension that’s become so thick you could cut it with a knife.

Octavia is the first one out, before the rover even comes to a complete stop, tumbling out into dirt. She pulls a knife from her boot and stalks off. Ever since Clarke broached the subject of Lincoln on the ride, she’s been even more agitated, and he doesn’t blame her for not wanting to spend more time with them than necessary. He wants to tell her to be careful, but snaps his mouth shut before the words can leave him. It’s not like she’ll care anyway.

‘There’s a stream through those bushes,’ Clarke tells him softly, looking up at him. He just nods and grabs some of the canteens from the rover.

He turns to the group. ‘Meet back in ten,’ he tells them gruffly, ‘We don’t have much time to waste.’ He catches Monty’s eye and the young boy nods before setting off in the direction Octavia disappeared.

It only takes them a couple of minutes to get the stream, walking in stoic silence. He sets the canteens down on the bank before folding himself down. His knuckles twinge uncomfortably as he works the top off, but he steadfastly ignores it in favour of plunging the bottle in the icy water.

Clarke doesn’t miss his wince though, and she lays a careful hand on his arm. ‘How’s your hand?’ she asks, just as soft as she did back at the rover, as though scared that he might break any minute. The suggestion was laughable to say the least.

Bellamy glances over and catches her staring at him with unreadable eyes. ‘M’fine,’ he grunts before thrusting another bottle in the water, dropping his gaze.

He hears her sigh as she begins to full another one. ‘Bellamy-’ she starts, but this time he cuts her off.

‘Stop beating around the bush and get to the point, Clarke,’ he grounds out, hating how she’s been treating him like glass since his one on one with ALIE. It’s getting on his last nerve.

She stares at him for a moment before her eyes harden and mouth presses into a thin line. ‘Are you okay?’

He huffs impatiently, shoving the cap onto the canteen a bit too forcefully so some of the icy water slops out onto his pants. ‘I told you already, I’m fine.’

‘ _Bellamy_.’

‘ _Clarke_.’

She’s looking at him like she used to back when they were still at the Dropship, equal parts exasperation and frustration. She sighs heavily before finally saying, ‘I heard what ALIE said to you.’

It feels like someone’s poured stream water down his back, something cold and icy clawing down his spine, and he sits straighter, muscles tensing under her watch. His teeth grit together and he doesn’t realise he’s clenching his fists until his hand spasms in pain again.

‘She was just trying to get me,’ he says, aiming for casualness but falling flat. ‘It’s nothing.’

Her hand darts out and catches his before he can grab another canteen, running her thumb over his scarred knuckles. In the unfiltered morning light he can see the bruises around his bones, purple and blue and swollen, with blood crusted to his skin. Even the feather light brush of her thumb against it makes him hiss in pain.

‘It’s not nothing,’ Clarke says looking down at their hands, ‘ALIE just so happens to know about everyone’s weak spots and she exploited it. It’s okay to not be okay. And-’ she falters, biting her lip and turning her head to the side so he can’t see anything but the tips of her ears turning red. Her fingers have stilled, but she still holds onto his hand.

Finally, she looks back up at him, blue eyes wide and imploring. ‘I need you,’ she tells him breathlessly, ‘You’re not just some lackey for me to give orders too. You’re my co leader and I need you to be there for me- for _our_ people. I can’t do this without you, Bellamy.’

There’s a bitter taste in his mouth and suddenly he can’t meet her gaze. Even after all this time she still seems able to place her trust in him even though he’s done nothing to deserve it and his gut clenches. ‘Clarke,’ he says, voice broken and jagged, ‘I’m not- You’ve seen what I’ve done. You’ve seen the kind of man I am; the kind who tries to solve his problems with a gun and just ends up making things worst. You don’t need me. You can’t possibly mean that, especially when you came back to Arcadia and I hand-’

‘Don’t,’ she says sharply, her voice cracking through the air like a whip. ‘We both did things that we regret when I came back, don’t try and place all the blame on yourself. I shock lashed you for Christ’s sake.’

‘Look, I deserved it okay?’ he says exasperatedly, pushing her hands off. They fall limply at her sides and he can’t look at her, can’t bear to touch her because he hasn’t done anything to merit her reassurance and it makes him vaguely nauseous.

Clarke adamantly shakes her head. ‘I’m sure you didn’t,’ she insists. ‘You didn’t- you would never hurt me but I did that to you.’

She sounds so timid and small that he can’t help but laugh, bitter and harsh, a self depreciating smile stretched across his face. ‘I’ve told you before; I’m not that guy, not the one you and Octavia and Kane want me to be,’ he tells her, ‘I’m a monster and monsters get what they deserve.’

‘That’s not true,’ she replies hotly, ‘Because if you’re a monster then what am I? I’ve done things worse than you, I’ve-’

‘You’ve always done the right thing,’ he refutes. ‘You-’

‘My hands are covered in so much blood, sometimes I wonder if it’s really worth it washing it out,’ she tells him, voice trembling. ‘I made the choice to let a bomb drop on an army willing to help us and in the end it was for nothing because we still had to irradiate the mountain.’ She grabs his hand again, holding it firmly between hers when he tries to tug away again. ‘You and I? We’re the same.’

He’s already shaking his head before she’s even finished the sentence. ‘We’re not. You’re a good person. Maybe ALIE is right; maybe I should just take orders from you.’

A sharp shock of pain runs up his arm from how tightly she’s squeezing his hand. ‘That’s where you’re wrong, Bellamy,’ she says softly, a tinge of sadness creeping into her voice and causing his heart to twist. ‘We don’t work well when we’re apart. I need you to help me see the bigger picture. ALIE is wrong, you hear me? You don’t take orders from me, you said so yourself. We come up with the orders. Together.’

That word is weighted heavily between them. _Together_. He told her right before they committed genocide in the mountain. They’ve been in this from the start, from those early days at the Dropship when it was just the two of them and ninety nine kids in between, they’ve done things together.

Bellamy allows his eyes to meet hers, soft and raw and open, and he finds himself saying, ‘When you left, I didn’t know how to function.’

She winces, looking away from him and at the water lazily flowing in the steam before them. He brushes his thumb over her wrist, feeling her pulse jumping against the thin skin. ‘I knew you had to leave, that you needed your space, but god Clarke, it killed me. Suddenly it was just me in charge of these thirty seven kids with no one there to help. Octavia didn’t want to be there, Raven was dealing with her leg, Jasper was dealing with losing Maya- everyone had their own things going on and I had to be there to help them keep it together by myself.’

He sees a tear drip down her face and his heart aches again.

‘Bellamy, I’m s-’

‘I know,’ he soothes her quickly, ‘You don’t need to apologise to me for that again. It’s in the past.’

‘Still.’

At some point during their conversation they moved closer together, her knee brushing against his thigh and their hands in her lap. He brushes his fingers across the bandage he wrapped around her wrist, and she sighs, slumping forward so that her hair covered her face. She was still sniffling, and he saw the hand that he wasn’t holding dart up to swipe at her face.

‘I- I don’t want to do this alone, Bellamy,’ she whispers, voice cracking. ‘I want us to fix it. I _know_ we can fix it. You and me, because that’s who we are.’ She links their fingers together, her hand looking impossibly small in his once they’re interlocked, and she squeezes them for good measure. ‘ _We_ bear it so they don’t have to.’

Bellamy can’t do anything but stare at her, at this girl who managed to bring armies to their knees and move mountains if it’s what’s needed for their survival. This girl who cares so much that she would give away every single part of herself to make someone else whole again. This girl who only wants what’s best for their people, who he has no idea what he’s done in his past lives to deserve, who burns as bright as a supernova, beautiful and deadly and able to capture the attention of everyone around her.

He had risked his life for this woman before, walked in the face of death to get her, to have her right there at the tips of his fingertips, only for her to be snatched away and for him to get a knife to the thigh for his efforts. Maybe she can bring the world to its knees, but he remembers, lying on the floor with a sword to his neck, how she begged for his life to be spared. He’s the thing that can bring her to her knees.

Clarke Griffin on her own? Dangerous.

However, Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake together? A fucking force to be reckoned with.

Bellamy looks at her once more, eyes steeled and face defiant. Underneath all of that bravado though, he sees her doubt and that’s when he squeezes back her hand.

‘You and me,’ he murmurs, voice gruff with emotion.

The small smile she gives him is reminiscent of the one she flashed when she snuck into Arcadia; soft and hesitant and looking as though she doesn’t do it nearly enough. This time though he smiles back before helping her to her feet.

They’ve been gone longer than ten minutes and Bellamy’s only half surprised that no one has come looking for them as yet. Canteens in hand, they make it back to rover in companionable silence where everyone is waiting. No one says anything when they finally return, just pass around the bottles and pile back into the rover.

Before she can climb in though, Bellamy grabs her around her bicep. At her puzzled expression, he extracts the glock from his thigh holster and presses it into her hand.

‘Bring guns, right?’ he says, biting back a grin.

She rolls her eyes and ducks her so he won’t see her smile. They sit next to each other again, the length of his leg pressed against hers just as before. Raven raises her eyebrows when she notices his gun in Clarke’s hand, but she says nothing. Other than that, no one picks up on the shift in the atmosphere between them.

They still have a long way to go before they’re okay, Bellamy thinks as he surveys the ragtag group of misfits in the rover, they all do, but for now, this is fine.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm always open for yelling about fictional characters on [tumblr](http://hiddenpolkadots.tumblr.com/)


End file.
